Centurion

I suppose you have to give Centurion’s director Neil Marshall his due – after directing the triple Ds of Doomsday, The Descent and Dog Soldiers, I’m fairly sure he could be Hollywood’s lapdog at this stage and putting his talents to misuse on unnecessary hollow remakes of horror films. But instead he continues to plough his trade in England. His latest film may not be up to his previous work, but it is mildly entertaining and if this spring sunshine is too much for you, there are worse reasons than this to seek refuge in the cinema.

Centurion is his stab at the sword and sandals genre, telling the story of the alleged mysterious disappearance of the Ninth Roman Legion in Britain in 117 AD. For mysterious, read brutally slaughtered by the Picts – a confederation of Celtic tribes.

Basically, a ridiculous plot is put in place to serve the purpose of a small band of Romans being forced on the run and being picked off (is there a pun possible here?) one-by-one as they are pursued by the painted warriors defying the Roman Empire.

The film chugs along at a frantic pace as the funny-named Roman protagonists, led by Quintus Dias, (spoiler alert!) run and fight, and run and fight…and hide…and then run and fight. Marshall has no intention of exploring any depth of character and motivation here, as simple premises are quickly interjected and disposed off in order to set up the action. As a result it’s pretty hard to actually give a damn what happens to this gang of Romans on the run. Truth be told, I spent the entire film cheering for the Picts. You’ve gotta love them.

Yet in its simplicity there are things to like about the film. The battle choreography is excellent and edited skilfully to provide the necessary thrills. The gore quotient is high and of good quality – there were a lot of ‘eyuch’-type sounds coming from those watching. The production design is top notch and the Scottish landscape is used to great effect; shot in drained steely colours with sweeping camera movements capturing the terrain with a keen eye.

The performances are irrelevant and the dialogue ludicrous. Most of the talent on offer here is wasted. The hardest part of the actors’ performances was probably to deliver their lines without falling about the place laughing. (‘Did nobody tell them never to fuck with the Romans’).

Though visually engaging, Centurion never strays from the template of survival set down in The Descent and Dog Soldiers, With its limp storytelling, superficial characters and repetitive structure, Centurion stubbornly refuses to veer from its basic narrative framework of survival and extend beyond its one-trick pony of a game of ‘kill-chase’.